Thai news outlets have reported that a new “high tech communication” device has been invented in Thailand that will revolutionize how we communicate. This breakthrough achievement was revealed to the world by prominent non-lunatic Dr. Mano Laohavanich.
According to Dr. Mano Laohavanich, Wat Phra Dhammakaya has created a new high tech device that allows easy mobile wireless communication. The new device resembles a cheap digital tally counter that can be purchased in thrift stores. In fact, the device is completely identical to the tally counter in every way, even down to the words.
This breakthrough in technology was revealed by Dr. Mano when some newspeople noticed some Dhammakaya followers holding the devices. Ironically, Dhammakaya also uses digital tally counters for mantra meditation, similar to how mala beads were used in earlier times. However, Laohavanich explains that although these devices look exactly the same and have clear labels for “tally” and “count” on them, they are actually high tech communication devices that can speak to followers.
Reporters at The Lemon decided to investigate this new breakthrough, so we inquired with some Dhammakaya followers about the new device. “Are you joking? I got this on Amazon for $1.50, it doesn't even have a speaker, how can it talk to me?” says one Dhammakaya follower in the US who had this new technology. A 6th grader living in the US who'd acquired this device two months ago said, "Sure, it could be hi-tech…if you lived a freaking thousand years ago!" A Thai Dhammakaya follower who also had this new technology gave this statement to The Lemon about the breakthrough device, “You can't be serious?”
Dr. Mano Laohavanich is a renowned Dhammakaya critic and expert and is seen as being a highly credible source on all things Dhammakaya by reporters who are too lazy to do any kind of fact-checking whatsoever, and for people who do not believe in evidence. This breakthrough in technology is just the latest in new information about the mysterious temple from Dr. Mano. Dr. Mano had previously revealed to the world that Dhammakaya is actually a Nazi sympathizing temple bent on world domination. As usual, he provides absolutely no evidence of his claims but we figure as an extremely anti-Dhammakaya personality he wouldn’t be making something like that up.
Laohavanich has also revealed that the abbot of Wat Phra Dhammakaya had a lifetime visa to the United States, showing the world that even though the United States discontinued all lifetime visas over 15 years ago that you just can't trust the US Department of State about facts involving US visas. It is much better to believe in a self-proclaimed genius.
This new breakthrough in technology revealed by the brilliant and totally honest Mano Laohavanich just goes to show that proof isn’t needed to support facts. Mano has made similarly bizarre statements about Dhammakaya before without providing any proof whatsoever, so The Lemon has no reason to believe the Dhammakaya critic was simply making things up regarding this issue. This new breakthrough technology will assuredly make all of our lives easier, and is projected by analysts at The Lemon to replace mobile phones within a matter of 10 years based on the intricacy of the device described by Dr. Mano. Our engineers can’t seem to figure out how the device works however, as pushing one of the 2 buttons on the device seems only to either “count” or to “reset” the count.